The Tax System and Other Supid Laws

Could it be that our taxing system here in the United States has a really big problem. I am placing my blog writing under Stupid because I've read and heard so much about the ExxonMobil Cooperation the past few weeks.

Were you aware there are thirty-five tax agents placed at Exxon by our government who do continual audits on the company's bookkeeping.  In 2009 Exxon paid no taxes on their profits of $19.3 billion dollars and actually received a tax credit for $156 million.  In my estimation something is INSANE about that picture.  To top it off the company paid $15.2 billion to foreign countries for their taxes.

Why is it not insane and down right stupid for our government to continue to show this company and other companies in the fuel refinning businness such preferential treatment.  I am just a middle aged woman who knows nothing of politics and thinks our present one is totally broken.

Changing the subject from politics to really Stupid laws that I want to share with you.  These laws have been around a long time and have never come off the books.  Who knows when one might be needed.  I hope you enjoy the reading as much as I did.  It gave me a laugh or two.

Alabama has some stupid laws that are random in nature.

It is illegal to play the game of dominoes on a Sunday afternoon.

A blind folded operator of a vehicle is committing a crime.

Wearing a fraudulent mustache in church with the intentions of making someone laugh is illegal.

California has some stupid laws in their justice system that effect both people and animals.

A woman is not allowed to operate a vehicle wearing a house coat.

While hunting, people are prohibited from shooting any animal from a moving vehicle except whales.

It is illegal for a resident of this state to install a bath house.

It is illegal for animals to mate within 15,000 feet of educational buildings, worship buildings, andbars.

It is illegal for any person to be denied sunshine.

Floridas stupid laws deal a lot with public interactions between people.

When women get their hair done at the salon, it is illegal for them to fall asleep under the hair dryer.

Salon owners that let women fall asleep under a hair dryer in their salon are breaking the law.

Single women that parachute on Sundays are subject to fines and incarceration.

Elephants are considered equivalent to cars when attached to a parking meter.

When wearing swimming gear, it is illegal to sing in a public place.

A man wearing a strapless dress in public will be subjected to crimnal charges.

It is illegal for porcupines and humans to have sexual relations.

Like driving, it is illegal to skate on a skateboard without a license.

Missionary sex is legal, but any other position is illegal.

Kansas

Citizens cannot shoot rabbits while riding in a motor boat.

It is illegal to pee outside of buildings in Derby Kansas.

In Derby Kansas, drivers are not allowed to burn rubber with their tires.

Citizens that spit on the sidewalk in Dodge City Kansas are breaking the law.

Citizens are not allowed to drive vehicles through parade routes while a parade is in progress.

Louisiana is a state that treats its weird laws very seriously, with many of them resulting in doing time.

Make believe wrestling is illegal.

It is illegal to use a water pistol to shoot bank employees after a robbery.

Peeing in the drinking water is illegal and will land a person twenty years in prison.

Stealing alligators is a criminal offense worthy of ten years of imprisonment.

I hope you enjoyed these insane rules.  You have to wonder why they would be put into affect in the first place.

Fishin in Texas

Hello, as you know I have been away from my blog for a couple of months and now I am able to get it started again.  Today I'm posting a work from a writing friend from Fanstory.  His commentary reminds of of the craziness of our government.  This one deals with the state I live in, Texas.  I don't think it could apply to any state in our country.  Government seems to go out of the way to deal with the insane, inconsequential things.

This post is by William Deen, he is an author, and blogger.  His blog address here on Blogspot is http://authorwilliamdeen.blogspot.com  I hope you enjoy reading this blog as much as I did and it certainly makes you aware of our state government problems.


Recently, I penned a commentary, expressing my exasperation with the Florida Legislature’s passing of SB 344 (Can’t have sex with animals) and SB 228 (Students can’t let their underwear and butt cracks show). My point, if not understood at the time, was the absolute waste of time and money legislatures spent on these and other senseless bills. All the while, they ignore, put off, delay, and play politics with issues important to their constituents.

Since I live in Florida and derided our elected officials (especially those I did not vote for!), I feel proper etiquette has been adhered to and I can now make fun of another state’s legislature. But if it ain’t proper, too bad!

At least now, no one can accuse me of being one of those folks living in a glass house, throwing rocks, and watching people having sex with animals. Or is it people watching folks in glass houses having sex with animals, staring at underwear, and searching for butt crack? Oh well, I’ll look that one up and get it straight. In either case, not living in a glass house sounds like good advice.

With this said, I now feel comfortable making fun of other state’s congressmen and senators to give them equal time and ridicule. And in this instance, I have chosen Texas, the state with the most drive through liquor stores in the nation (“No, sir. I’m not going to drink one drop until I get home.”).

When asked, most experts agree the majority of the states in our Nation are suffering because of bloated government, unfriendly business regulations, and strong public sector unions. But Texas is different. It is considered to be a pro-business, non-union, lean-spending state. The next 2-year budget for Texas basically consists of only education and health care. Everyone knowledgeable on the subject admits there is nothing to cut from the Texas budget except these two items. So it shouldn’t have fiscal problems, right?

Wrong.

For some reason, even though they do everything the no tax, no entitlement politicians say should be done (Along with threatening succession and saying they don’t need any federal funds or assistance except for FEMA and healthcare.), they still have money problems to the tune of a $27 billion budget shortfall and an unemployment rate of 7.7%.

Now comparatively speaking (Florida is 11%), 7.7% is not that bad unless you’re in the 7.7%. I think we can all agree that these two issues, the fiscal crisis and unemployment, alone constitute a serious problem for the citizens of Texas and we would like to believe it would be at the forefront of issues being addressed.

Let’s take a look at where these issues fit into the list of priorities for the Texas legislature.

First, they reduced taxes on loose-leaf tobacco. Wait a minute. Reduced taxes? That means less money, right? Isn’t that like saying, “I can’t meet my obligations. Give me a pay cut or I’ll find a job that pays less!”

Less money means a bigger budget crisis, doesn’t it?

Fewer taxes on tobacco prices means I can get cancer cheaper, right?

What if I don’t have insurance? Getting cancer means I will need lots of medical help in the future, right?

Yeeee Haaaawwwwww! Give me a pack of Redman!

Second, some legislatures are pressing to lay off teachers (of which I am one), fireman, and other public service workers. However, at the same time, there are 17,000 public sector employees on the Texas payroll making over $100,000 plus pensions and perks.

Are they more important than teachers?

Firefighters?

Policemen?

Maybe some of those 17,000 upper management divisions/positions could be consolidated? One of their jobs equals 2, maybe 3 teachers, firemen, or policemen.

How about cutting that 17,000 to 15,000? That would mean 6,000 - 9000 teachers keep on teaching!

Or 6000 policemen and firefighters keep protecting and saving lives!

Or, cut the 17,000 to 15,000 and tens of thousands get medical care!

Naw. They ain’t going to do that. That’s socialism!

Let me sum this up. The Texas legislature could be having a debate on the tax/no-tax issue to try and solve their fiscal problems (And they probably are. They just aren’t taking it seriously enough). They could debate on the lay-off of public sector jobs, the budget cutting measures for education, medical care, and saving citizens jobs and lives.

But they’re not!

At least they aren't to the point of making any progress on the issues most important to voters. In my humble opinion, when you are faced with a crisis, everything else goes on the back burner until it is solved. At least us normal folk do. Instead, while state legislatures are faced with these serious issues, they’re tending to matters like animal sex and butt cracks in Florida and noodling in Texas!

Noodling? That’s right. Noodling.

Not to be confused with canoodling (My wife’s favorite but kinda unmanly in my opinion).

Or doodling (Scientist say doing this while in meetings actually helps you concentrate on the material being presented. Try telling your boss that!).

Or ferky foodling (Had to look that one up in the urban dictionary and I ain’t commenting. But if you ask a priest, he will know.).

Or joodling (This has something to do with European soccer fans. A very un-American game for which I will say no more).

Or soodling (Strolling casually or leisurely walking. I like this one.).

Now, if you’re not familiar with “noodling”, it is a form of fishin. “Noodlers” stick their arms into underwater holes where certain catfish live. Using their arm as bait, the fish, big fish I might add, “bite” the fisherman’s arm and won’t let go.

Fish on!

Once the fisherman pulls his catch (Makes me wonder who caught who?) out of the water with a catfish up to his elbow, a “spotter” helps get it off.

Gotta stop here and ask a question. For some reason, my common sense escapes me at this point. Why was this previously against the law?

If this isn’t strange enough, believe it or not, there were opponents to this bill! That’s right. Some want to outlaw it. Traditional fishermen have rallied behind their legislatures on behalf of the poor catfish because they deem this type of fishin as unfair and cruel. They claim the fish is trapped and has nowhere to go so it strikes.

“This ain’t fishin!” they say, “It’s trappin.”

I ain’t getting in the middle of this one. (And for you folks up north, it is “fishin”, not fishing. Just like its “wrasslin”, not “wrestling”!) But regardless of which side you are on, it has been settled. Noodling is legal in Texas! Now they can get on to more important things, right?

Sorry, got more fishin problems. In the same week, the Texas legislature also tackled another serious issue instead of the more pressing fiscal ones. This law, proves Armageddon approaches. After reading about this one, I started to believe that radio preacher that said the world was ending. In the very least, the damned communist are taking over and they're starting in Texas. It is as un-American a law as there is.

Is it higher taxes?

No.

Maybe they’re getting some more of that socialist stimulus money to help?

Nope.

Are the Congressmen, Senators, Governor, and all their staffs taking pay cuts?

Don’t be ridiculous!

Texas Governor, Rick Perry, is prepared to outlaw lying about your fishin exploits. That’s right, no more fish stories. At least not while participating in a fishin tournament or when money is involved. (Apparently, this was a serious enough problem that it needed the full weight and resources of the Texas legislature, Governor, and law enforcement behind it.)

Penalties for expounding on your fish stories carry a potential $10,000 fine and 2-10 years in jail. Violations are classified as a class A misdemeanor or 3rd degree felony, depending on the prize money. If I’m lyin I’m dyin!

Damn! Texans take their fishin seriously!

One professional angler, a fishin guide, claims he's never once lied about the size of a fish he's caught (He just lied about never lyin about a fish he’s caught). He was quoted as saying, "In this business, you've got to tell the truth the whole time and all the time tell the truth." Ain’t a fisherman alive or dead that never told a little white lie about the size of his catch, especially the one that got away.

That reminds me of the time I was gigging for flounder in Perdido Bay during a local fishin festival. The night was clear and the stars glistened and reflected of the glassy surface of the bay. A full moon illuminated the sky and a mist filtered past my flounder light. Suddenly, I was struck and frozen by the sight of a large dark mass in the murky bottom of the knee-deep water. At first, I thought it was an old discarded tire. Not a regular car tire, one of those monster truck tires! It was at least 5 feet across. I got my gig ready, pulled the floundering light a little closer, and just when I got on top of it …I’m sorry, I better stop there. Ain’t got no desire for goin to jail. But, if you promise to bail me out, I’ll finish the story for you.

No. This is not fiction. Go here to see the actual bill:

http://www.capitol.state.tx.us/BillLookup/History.aspx?LegSess=82R&Bill=HB2189
If you are curious about the droopy drawers, butt cracks, and animal sex, see my porfolio: 344 Ways Sex is Baaaaaaaaad.